A World of Chaos

Have you broken any bones? If so, how?

2010-07-08T13:30:00.001-05:00

nope

Ask me anything

If you could have invented one thing, what would it have been?

2010-07-08T13:15:00.003-05:00

teleporter

Ask me anything

Sneakers or sandals?

2010-07-08T13:15:00.001-05:00

sandals. always sandals.

Ask me anything

Who's the smartest person you know?

2010-05-17T20:14:00.001-05:00

i have no idea how to answer this. i know plenty of people i would consider smart. book smart, street smart, any sort of smart. and a lot of them are incredibly smart to the point i can't pick one. so everyone!

Ask me anything

Quote from 'When I Was A Little Boy' - "in fact I’ve always known marriage isn’t something I am interested in." I guess my question is, what are you interested in? That is, currently, what would you say your ideal relationship and mate/partner would

2010-05-17T20:10:00.001-05:00

I don't know that I believe in an ideal relationship. I'll have to think on this and write about it in my blog for you.

Ask me anything

What is your dream career and why?

2010-03-28T05:27:00.001-05:00

i dont have one. because i dont think the things "society" tells me will make me happy or feel complete really will. unless being a hermit could be a job.

Ask me anything

I want to turn this question around on you: did you have any dreams as a child that your mom squashed or somehow tried to make you feel stupid for wanting?

2010-03-28T05:26:00.001-05:00

Well no, she was always good at supporting me. Even when I wanted to be the parking garage attendant to push the button to make the arm go up, or when I wanted to be a hobo so I could carry everything in a knapsack.

Ask me anything

have you had weird dreams?

2010-03-08T22:55:00.001-06:00

yes yes i have http://emacaroni.wordpress.com/

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-03-07T00:46:00.001-06:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/inoracam

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

2010-03-07T00:45:00.001-06:00

I loved Perfect Strangers. I don't think I understood it but I remember loving it.

Ask me anything

What's your biggest phobia?

2010-03-07T00:44:00.001-06:00

moths! creepy things can eat through clothing, they might eat me too!

Ask me anything

ummm

2010-03-02T00:32:00.001-06:00

the more serious stuff http://emacaroni.wordpress.com

Dead Hamster, Happy Pig, Mofo

2009-08-01T17:11:00.002-05:00

Our hamster, Cricket, died this week. I think she was probably dead a day or two before we realized it since she always hid. But when she didn't come out to eat when I fed her, I knew she was gone. That sucked. And stank.

Tater the pig is much better behaved now that he's been neutered. He's actually sorta sweet. For a while there I was thinking I wanted to find a farmer to take him off our hands or something. But I think we'll keep him now hehe.

And I'm still obsessed with Mafia Mofo. Like unhealthily so.

Games

2009-07-15T18:00:00.002-05:00

I forget about my blog a lot. Whoops. I'm obsessed with Mafia Mofo though. You know you're curious. Click it. Sign up. DOOOOO ITTTTT

Pig Penis

2009-03-08T15:07:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I know I haven't posted anything in quite possibly forever. I bought a house last summer so I've been doing stuff with that. Painting, unpacking, decorating, yard stuff... And being lazy whenever possible.

First, here's a game I've become addicted to. Ok, addicted is strong, but it is fun.

Now the real winner is the video I got this afternoon. See, Corey and I got a pet pig in January. I was going to get some stuff to edit together a sample of his cuteness. Instead I got his corkscrew...

Pig Penis - Watch more free videos

Sarah Palin for VP - What Gives?

2008-08-31T02:31:00.001-05:00

The more I think about this choice, the more I understand the political move. To say it is about the woman vote is making it far too easy a motivation, McCain is a smarter man than that. Heck, eight years ago had he beat Bush out for the GOP nod, I would have cast my first vote in any election for him. But I digress...

Yes, she's a female and can get that attention. Yes, Alaska is a big state, but I don't think it has ever been considered a swing state to bring that point into play. Yes, she is the youngest person at play and therefore it isn't just the old white-haired guy any more. Yes, she's a conservative and can reign in some of the conservative base of the GOP that may not be 100% into McCain. And yes, she is an evangelical Christian to appeal to that base that McCain has traditionally mistrusted.

By selecting a VP with virtually no experience, McCain is actually able to win the experience debate. While technically we vote for the packaged deal, we're casting our vote based on that top dog, McCain or Obama. So if people point at him and say his choice has no experience, he'll be able to make that claim that we vote for the president and he has experience. And rightly he should as he's nearly a quarter century older than Obama.

But at the same time, I think his experience is what will lose the experience debate, at least in my book. Who he was eight years ago while trying for the GOP bid is a different politician than the man with the GOP nomination now. Instead of the "straight talk" that comes from his heart on any matter - irregardless of how popular it may or may not make him - he's going with that which will propel him further. I mean look how he and Kerry had been considering being running mates and then the quick switcheroo to fully backing Bush in the very same election (2004)! Though I will give him that he is still one of the more bi-partisan Republicans in the Senate, so that shows the potential for the same man to still be in there somewhere.

Don't get me wrong, I respect John McCain and even admire a lot of what he has accomplished in his 72 years. But he's also old, and I surely cannot be the only one to notice how much the presidency ages someone. Just look at Bush from 00-04 or even for the full 8 years.

Similarly, Obama's experience may seem to shoot him in the foot, but I think it can actually help him. There's been criticism that he's had a lot of "present" votes over his political career (more in the Illinois State Senate, if I recall correctly). Some would say it shows a lack of ability to make tough decisions on controversial issues. And sure, that may be the case. But at the same time, it shows he isn't just a one trick pony or simply there to tow the party line. Truth of the matter is that as president, he wouldn't have to make those decisions anyway. Sure, we all talk about how things like abortion or gay rights may help some pick a candidate. But there really is no way they can enforce their personal beliefs on the subject onto the country at large - even with Supreme Court nominations.

So while it may help him win the experience debate on the experience issue, John McCain's VP selection also serves to make the next two months about the issues. So I appreciate that.

There are really only two concerns I have with this choice. Two months ago while on the Glenn Beck show, Palin said she had no interest at all in the position should it be offered her. To change her mind that extensively and quickly is a bit troubling. In another interview on CNBC a month ago, she said the job of VP doesn't seem productive and admitted to not even knowing what the job entailed. Um ~~Houston~~ Washington, we may have a problem here.

Moms Are Magical Beings

2008-08-05T02:05:00.001-05:00

Apparently detox lasts a while. Not just a few days, but a week or so. Longer if you've been drinking significant quantities for a long time.

Boyfriend and I survived that night. He spent most of it in the bathroom throwing up. And I spent most of it pretending I was asleep in my room to hide from reality. It sucks when what you want and what you need aren't the same. I wanted to crawl into the guest bed and snuggle. I needed to be alone with a wall up around me.

Anyway, I made an appointment for us to see my therapist at noon the day after I went to his apartment. In fact, it was only 17 hours after I got him. That was my finish line. I was in a long dark tunnel and all I could see was my therapist's office. After that, then I'd allow myself to really think and feel and process what was going on. Until then, I honestly just needed to survive in one piece.

Two hours before the appointment, boyfriend told me he just couldn't go. He didn't feel well enough, could I please just take him back home. My heart fell out of my chest, down through my body, and shot out of my toes and evaporated. He was making the choice I wasn't going to be able to live with. Well, I mean, I'd live and I'd be just fine - eventually. But it meant living without him in my life. I admit, I did a bit of begging and crying.

But I snapped out of it. If this was his choice, that's fine. I needed to plan my next move then to protect myself. I had to put myself first. I had already done all that I could, more than I probably should have, but up to this point it had really been for myself so why stop acting for me? I said, that was fine but I would go to my therapist's appointment alone and then catch the next plane to Florida to stay with my mother. He asked me how long and I told him I didn't know, but I had to get away so I could think and breathe and that I was doing it for me.

So we got in the car and headed to his apartment - which was much much easier to do with him telling me how to get there by the way. That's when his mom called to check up on me and see how he was doing. I answered and told her he decided he didn't want to see my therapist. She told me to force him to go, but I told her I couldn't do that, that it would be a waste of everyone's time to make him go talk to someone if he wasn't ready. She asked to speak with him.

Moms are magical beings.

She talked to him and I don't know what all she said, but he agreed to go see the therapist at the scheduled time. My heart reappeared, jumped back into my toes, up my body and connected itself back into its rightful spot. At least there was hope he was going to make the choice I'd want him to make - though it would be for me too, I wanted him to make that choice for himself.

We went to his apartment to kill the remaining hour and cleaned. It was disgusting. I took a picture it was so gross. And this is just the kitchen...

Finally, we left to wait for the appointment. Boyfriend was getting worse - shaking, sweating, it was bad. He was pacing back and forth in the waiting room. He probably could have run a marathon and still been restless. At long last, time for the appointment came and he asked me to sit in it with him and hold his hand. Which I did. I was so nervous, scared and uncomfortable I remember shivering and being cold, but it wasn't really cold at all.

My therapist does a lot of addiction work and works with one of the somewhat local long-term treatment centers, so she had experience dealing with what Boyfriend was going through and needed. She explained what was going on, some of his options, and honestly I don't really remember too much. I do remember her telling us that detox from alcohol is actually one of the more brutal detoxes and that I needed to watch him because seizures were quite common. She said that he really should do it under doctor supervision, but if I kept an eye on him I could do it too. And I wanted to be there for him, so I was glad to help him through it. But if he had signs of a seizure, to check him into an ER and tell them he was detoxing.

She had to have had some sort of odd faith in me that I could handle that, because thinking about it now Boyfriend and I both think we were crazy to not have had him under doctor supervision for it, but I guess it's under the bridge now anyway.

Walking out of the office, I knew things would be fine - together or not. Our relationship would depend on the choice he'd ultimately make, but either way we would be ok. Well, either way I would be ok. I felt a HUGE weight just jump off my shoulders. I did what I needed to do and it worked. It made me feel better. It made me feel sane. And it made me know I wouldn't regret anything I did.

Detox - A Living Nightmare

2008-07-31T20:39:00.002-05:00

I brought him back to my apartment and had never been more glad that I've always been pigheaded enough to want a guest room. I researched online what I needed to get in his stomach to help him come down. I knew he needed to eat something.

If you ever need to know - hydration is key and Gatorade/Powerade are your friends. Alcohol is sugar so when you're detoxing, your body is really out of balance with the amount of sugars it is used to. But cookies and sugars like that aren't good. Natural sugars. But really if you're at that point, you won't be able to eat anything so drinking tons of Gatorade is about all you can do.

I tried to sleep. I think it was so I could be in a protective bubble. It was the only way I could hide for a bit. I've never had such intense conflicting emotions. I wanted so much to be as far from Boyfriend as possible, yet I also wanted nothing more than to go lay down next to him and hold him.

Hiding was the only way I could stop the tears, so that won out in the end.

Meanwhile, Boyfriend was detoxing. Have you ever seen someone going through that? It isn't pretty.

He was throwing up constantly and if he wasn't drinking water to keep up, he was dry heaving. He was sweating so much he would have been drier in the ocean. He was shivering to such an extent every muscle in his body was shaking uncontrollably. Think extreme Parkinsons and add some shakes on that.

He was burning up. He was freezing. At the same time. He was exhausted but restless and couldn't stay still. Pacing seemed simultaneously to comfort and to welcome more insanity.

I am not using the term insanity lightly. You see, I could probably go on and on as to the physical symptoms of detox I could see. He was hallucinating. Terrifying images followed him and as much as his body was shaking, he couldn't shake them from his mind. Their sight and sound were plaguing him so much that the physical suffering I could watch was the easy part.

No, detoxing isn't pretty. Detox is a living nightmare.

A Million Scattered Pieces

2008-07-30T08:39:00.002-05:00

So I park next to Boyfriend's car and assume his apartment is near where he parks - that makes sense right? I knew he lived on the third floor and I had a gut feeling as to which one it was. So I picked the building that felt right and started banging on the door.

And banging on the door. And it dawned on me, what the hell do I say when someone else answers? But I keep banging.

My fantasy of what he was up to looked like it was true when he answered the door. He was dripping wet and naked. He was also drunk enough he could barely stand up on his own.

So I walked in, with the bags of stuff I had for him. I was going to put the food in the fridge and leave but my emotions got the best of me.

Imagine being the most pissed off while your stomach is turning with the deepest of deep sorrows and throw in the strongest terror imaginable and you might get close to how I was feeling. I was bawling. I was kicking empty beer cases. I was doing everything I could to not slap Boyfriend. I've never genuinely wanted to hit someone before, but I knew that I had to throw beer cans around to make sure I didn't give in to that desire.

And I'm fairly certain I was screaming.

"Are you an alcoholic?" I remember telling him I wasted my first "I love you" on him, that I couldn't be with him because I've already dealt with an alcoholic. He wanted to hug me, he was crying, he was scared. I wanted anything but to touch him. Touching him would make it real and more intense and I couldn't handle that. Touching him might lead to hitting him and I didn't want to be that person - even though I also wanted nothing more than to be that person.

After a while I knew I had my chance. I had my chance to make up for all those missed opportunities with my mom that will forever exist as "what ifs" and I could do something for my own peace of mind that instant. If I didn't, it wouldn't matter if we continued dating or not, I'd wonder what would have happened if I did something differently that night. Heck, I was terrified he'd die in his apartment if I left him there that night.

I told him we were going to get out of his apartment, I was taking him back to mine and he was not drinking anymore. Somewhere in his beyond drunken oblivion, he agreed that was a good idea. Honestly, I think that was only because he didn't want to lose me.

I knew I had to get him to my apartment and I had an appointment with my therapist for the two of us. I just had to make it to that appointment and then I could walk away. I could walk away from the fear, the anger, the sorrow. I was planning on doing that.

But first I had to get him out of his apartment. And I had to trust myself. And I had to be strong because I was one more sob away from breaking into a million scattered pieces that I didn't think could ever be put back together.

Fate is a Driving Force

2008-07-28T20:27:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I can call it fate or divine intervention, coincidence or just sheer luck. But sometimes something out of ourselves - supernatural, paranormal, or not - seems to give us direction. Is that what gut feelings are? I don't know.

Flash back to the end of February this year. Boyfriend was on a week-long binge. He called into work every night, he wasn't calling friends or family. He was holed up in his apartment, drinking and smoking, with a pizza thrown in. I was freaking out. I had just said I loved him for the first time then didn't hear from him for days. Were we breaking up? How long would I go without seeing him before I should assume that?

His mother and I discussed it and I decided to go over there to check on him. When we could get ahold of him, he pleaded with us to not hate him for being batshit crazy. For all I knew he was huddled in the corner, naked and sweaty, banging his head on the wall and pulling out his hair. That was my fantasy anyway. I decided he wasn't eating or doing anything to take care of himself. I didn't know what he was doing, so I bought some food I knew he liked and a few things to cheer him up and got in the car.

I had only been to his apartment maybe twice, for a total of 15 minutes, if that. His place is tiny and mine was bigger. He only had and air mattress and I had two beds we could sleep in if one got old heh. I had an idea of what part of town he lived in and remember the name of a street near his apartment, but that was it. I didn't know his apartment complex's name, his apartment number, or any of that. I had an idea. So I drove to that part of town, looking for something familiar.

I think fate intervened because I pulled into an apartment's parking lot to turn around and boom, there was Boyfriend's car.

Meet Nestle The Love Lizard

2008-07-19T22:16:00.000-05:00

Chameleon and Forums?!?

2008-07-19T01:50:00.002-05:00

First, a friend started a new online message board. So far it is pretty small but I'd guess it has the potential to grow, depending on how and if they go about trying to get any traffic. It is called Theology Boards and is obviously geared towards religiously-related discussions. Unlike a lot of religion forums I've seen, it doesn't have a specific take on things and is more a free for all. I think it is potentially going to be debate oriented, but who knows. There are some Pagans and Christians discussing their faiths and spaces for other religions like Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism and such. There is also space for discussions on politics and philosophy and the like too. I do hope it grows and members of the various faiths are active so I can learn more about the different cultures. I highly enjoy learning about different religions and even differences in sects within religions. So we'll see. By all means, if you are interested in debate check it out, and for those who aren't there are some sections for more friendly/community geared discussions too.

In more personal news, I have a new pet! Boyfriend and I bought a panther chameleon for our 9 month anniversary. We named him Nestle the Love Lizard and I think he's beautiful. He actually likes to climb around on us, so we take him outside to get some real sunlight a bit each day and he just hangs out on our heads or shoulders.

Tour de France 2008

2008-07-06T01:46:00.000-05:00

So I'm a big fan of watching the Tour. I never would have thought cycling to be a great sport to watch on tv but somehow it is incredibly gripping. Plus there's the drama attached to the sport what with it being the one most identified with doping when lots of people think of doping. Especially with all the trouble of last year.

This year my fave guy (Levi Leipheimer) can't race because of ties with a team he was on years ago. He was never found guilty of doping, but Team Astana in the past had serious issues. Likewise, last year's winner Michael Contador is excluded from the Tour for the same reasons, which means two of the 3 podium racers in the individual race aren't racing this year.

But a lot of the other amazing racers are still in the tour. A lot of the amazing riders from last year that weren't attached to drama in any way are riding and so it will be good to see how they ride without that junk thrown in. Hopefully this will be a clean year. The sport needs an exciting and doping free tour.

I learned to animate!

2008-07-04T07:11:00.006-05:00

So I have Flash, but I haven't played with it, so I have forgotten how to use it (my notes I took when I was learning are still packed). So I was playing around with Photoshop to see if there were an easy way to animate simple images. This is what I made (I made it to put on my boyfriend's MySpace page).

Who Knew Buying Was The Cheap Part?

2008-06-26T16:02:00.001-05:00

Ok, so yeah, the price tag on a home is obviously the biggest. But you expect that when you're purchasing a home. They have various companies that help you pay that sum over time so it doesn't just drain you of all your resources. Or perhaps you've saved up money and are able to pay cash so as to avoid a mortgage later. Point is, that's a sum you're prepared and expecting to pay.

It's all the other stuff you get that adds up and kills you. My vacuum blew up so now I have to get another. Now, obviously the really expensive ones look cool, but I refuse to drop $500 on a dirt sucker. But the cheap route didn't work either, unless a smoking, flaming pile of plastic is what I am going for. So either way from 30-500 there's money down the drain (or up the chute). I went bagless so I don't have to buy those little suckers, thinking maybe in the long run it saves money. I also found one with a 5 year warranty instead of only 1 or 2.

Being my first home, I also don't really have the furniture a house needs. I'm not buying it all right now, but I have to get some so my other stuff has a home. See, all my apartments have always had built in bookshelves. So shelving for my books and trotskies was never an issue. Now I have boxes of homeless objects. Granted, I do think I'll be able to donate a lot of it to the Salvation Army and/or Goodwill, but there are some things I don't want to let go of yet. And I have boxes of books "to be read" not even counting the ones I have read.

This house has an "office" and I only have a desk to go in there. I am thinking it will be my library so I need to put shelving. Instead of buying bookcases, I may opt for the elfa style shelves. Who knows. I don't even want to think of that yet. Good thing that room isn't yet painted.

Lawnmower, weedeater, lightbulbs, air filters, hose, and appliances! Oh my...

home is where the heart is.

2008-06-22T20:33:00.000-05:00

So I still don't think it is really sinking in yet. I mean here I am, a homeowner. I'm not sure how old most people are when they buy their first home, or what a typical first home is like. I have been told this isn't a first-home type of home, but I don't want one to live in for two or three years and then upgrade. I want a home to make my home, a nest.

I think my desire for a home has a lot to do with not feeling like I have a "home". I lived in Houston until I was almost 13. Then I moved to Austin. I went to boarding school and so the house my mother had in Austin was one I really only lived in for a couple of years and summers. But now she lives in Florida in a house I have visited for a grand total of maybe 8 days.

A house I've seen for maybe 8 days can't be a "home" and I certainly don't feel like I am going home when I have been there. I needed a home to go to. Right? I mean, most people have a place they think of as "home" or at least I think they do.

So perhaps it is going to take time and making it mine before it sinks in that I have a home. I'll have to rub my heart all over it, since they say home is where the heart is.

Maybe I need to find a neat painting/drawing of a heart to hang on the wall in the meantime.

2008-05-05T22:29:00.000-05:00

Brushed Teeth + SweetTarts = NASTY

2008-03-31T11:42:00.000-05:00

Voting and Death: A Vlog

2008-03-04T21:06:00.001-06:00

As always, see other videos I've made on YouTube and feel free to comment or subscribe so I can see your videos too!

when it rains, it pours

2008-03-04T10:56:00.001-06:00

and i have to say i am inclined to believe it. goodness gracious.

so last night my great uncle kenny died. he was 84 i think, so he had a long full life full of love and happiness. he had been married to my aunt ann for 60 years. that's a long time. anyway, he had some sort of heart thing that was inoperable because of his health and he died in his sleep. that's how i would want to go. i can only imagine how devestated aunt ann is.

uncle kenny was an interesting man. he had been in the korean war and was actually reported as being dead. aunt ann had two small boys at home. well uncle kenny was alive, he was a POW. being married 60 years, being a POW, heck just being in his 80s, i can't even begin to tell all the stories of his life.

what sucks is the flower thing. this is the first time a family member has died when i've been old enough that sending flowers myself was appropriate. usually my mom has sent them for all of us. so i looked up the flower sites and thought, "oh good, they have some specially made for sympathy and funerals" so i looked at them. those bouquets suck. they're all gaudy and huge. they're all white. they're depressing. i mean, if someone just lost a loved one, they're upset enough as it is. giving them depressing flowers that just hits home that they lost someone isn't my idea of sympathy. so i picked something cheery and on the smaller side. it won't be in their way and the colors may help brighten up what is already a gloomy mood.

gotta get rid of the dog?

2008-03-04T10:54:00.000-06:00

You know, sometimes stressful weeks just get suckier.

I already know I stress out easily, it is a new thing but apparently I don't handle stress well. At least in my personal life. When it is with work or school - bring it on - otherwise I crumble. Physically I can't deal with it and it throws my hormones out of whack even when I don't really feel all too stressed.

And now I have 24 hours to vacate Elton from my apartment. Pretty fucking extreme for never having gotten a single phone call about it, right? Apparently he shits too much. And apparently not cleaning it up 50 times a day means there is a hazardous amount of poo on the patio. Now, I don't know about you but my dog eats natural foods so it is no more hazardous than all the deer shit that is right outside my patio. So wild crap is ok but if it is domesticated it is dangerous!

I've made an appointment with Elton's vet and he's going to spend the night there for two nights. He has to go in for his annual check up anyway and I want them to observe his drinking because I've been told he drinks too much and that there might be a problem.

Meanwhile I had to call someone and the person I really wanted to call was sleeping and I didn't want to stress him out over it. He's been dealing with his own crap anyway. So I made the mistake of calling my mom, because well moms are supposed to be helpful and loving right? I just wanted to vent, I didn't need anyone to do anything about it. I told her I want to buy a house and move the hell out of my apartment. She said that would be fine and I went to get a massage.

I get out and there are like 7 messages from her on my phone. She called our lawyer and he called the apartment and blah blah blah. I don't have to get rid of Elton, but she claimed she has called me several times about it. That is a fucking lie if I have ever heard one. I haven't had anyone call that wasn't a number I programmed in my phone. I haven't had any messages left about Elton. She hasn't called me once.

I want a fucking yard so if I don't want to pick Elton's shit up more than once a day, I don't fucking have to. I want a house so I can get a super huge bathtub and just relax in it whenever I need to. I want a fucking house so I can make it mine and not have anyone else tell me what to do and when to do it and OMG I haven't done something in two days because I haven't had fucking time. UGGG.

I almost feel better now.

Oh and you know what? I've pretty much been at my apartment when these supposed calls took place. No one knocked on my door to talk to me about it. You think if it is something that urgent, they would try actually calling or speaking to someone first. Fuckers.

i'm scared

2008-02-29T12:53:00.003-06:00

I'm not really sure who to talk to. I can't turn to the regular outlets. I called my therapist to see if she could squeeze me in before the weekend, but it's two hours away still.

I'm scared. I'm scared I've gotten into a mess I shouldn't have. I'm afraid addiction has trapped me in a corner when I was least expecting it. No, I'm not addicted or about to be addicted to anything. But I am terrified that someone I care about is or is going to be. I don't know. It just scares me when people turn to drugs or alcohol to numb things when they're upset. And that's what they've been doing.

And I'm scared they're going to hurt themselves. But I'm not close enough to help. I'm not sure I can. And so I worry. And get scared.

And cry. Oh god do I cry. It is breaking my heart. I desperately want them to know they aren't alone and that I am here for them. But I don't think they'll listen. And if they do they won't believe me.

Drowning In I Love You

2008-02-27T20:30:00.003-06:00

So Corey wanted to know why saying “I Love You” was so difficult to say (see the video in this post). The easy way out of this is to say that after not saying it to any significant other for nearly 26 years it became a big deal beyond simply loving someone. I mean let’s be honest, my first date, first kiss, or even first sex would all qualify as being far from special. I guess I wanted to save one big first and make sure it was special like it was meant to be.

Then there is the bit about wanting to be certain I meant it. I think that ties in to the first reason though. I didn’t want to waste that big special first if I wasn’t certain I meant it. I had wondered with one other guy I dated if I would ever get to that point and decided I didn’t. I thought I had gotten close but wasn’t sure so I never said it. I realize I wasn’t anywhere near loving him, so I am glad I didn’t say it. I don’t want to be one of those people who says "I Love You" when it doesn’t apply or something else is more appropriate.

Plus, saying it out loud to Corey was admitting it was true. I could guard my heart a little so long as I kept that phrase and I knew that saying it would be like jumping into the middle of the ocean with a single board floating by and hoping it would keep me from drowning.

Not only is it admitting it, but it is saying a lot more. Basically it is letting him know that I trust him with my heart. And I’ve NEVER done that before, with anyone. I’ve been hurt a lot and so it sort of comes with the territory of caring about someone that they’ll do what they can to break my heart a little more. I don’t mean with boyfriends, I really haven’t had that many and none of them really hurt me. I am talking about family and friends. I have abandonment issues because of how my father moved out - basically I was torn apart when I learned I didn’t get to move with him. I have issues with people telling me they love me and then acting contrary to that - lets just boil it down to my mother being an addict/alcoholic with a few other issues thrown in the mix for good measure. And I guess the pink elephant in the "I Love You" room is that I was raped by someone I considered a good friend at the time.

I could probably give you a million reasons on why saying "I Love You" was difficult. I mean just those three people would be more than enough to justify myself. Why I couldn’t say it while looking at Corey, or at least while he was looking at me... there is only one answer for that. And that relates to those stories too. Fear of rejection. My sister is probably the only person in my entire life I could say I have loved (I still love you Kendal) that hasn’t rejected me. And that sort of rejection I fear isn’t simply “Let’s just be friends”.

So Corey, it was hard for me to say because I was terrified. It was, it is, a completely new ocean and I don’t yet have my sea legs.

Or you could just watch the video.

All You Need Is Love

2008-02-24T16:37:00.000-06:00

My Opionions on the 2008 Grammys

2008-02-11T02:44:00.001-06:00

Beep Beep Bunny Love

2008-02-10T20:31:00.000-06:00

Patient Intake

2008-02-08T00:10:00.000-06:00

My Dog and Seven Sighs

2008-02-04T04:40:00.000-06:00

Elton wanted to make a YouTube.

Fond of Snape asked us to post seven things that make us sigh.

1. Snuggles: My boyfriend is the perfect shape and size to just engulf me in his embrace, and he smells so good that it's like an earthly slice of heaven.

2. Good Dreams: Apparently I sigh happily in my sleep when I am having a happy dream.

3. Being Tired: Yes, I let out a huge sigh when I collapse at the end of the day.

4. Sunsets: The beauty of sunsets is so amazing as to be beyond words, yet somehow permitting that tiny sigh to escape seems to convey what I'm feeling.

5. Laughing: Nothing beats being out of breath from laughter, except maybe the final sigh that works as the exclamation point to the giggles.

6. Bad Drivers: Sometimes my sighs serve as four letter words instead of happy nuances.

7. Pooting: I have no problem admitting that I am the kind of girl that enjoys a good poot first thing in the morning.

I've Jumped On The Bandwagon....of YouTube

2008-02-03T05:14:00.000-06:00

My Mini City!!!

2008-01-26T18:35:00.000-06:00

So the boyfriend, yep you read that right boyfriend, and I made a cheesy online city (he named it, go figure). Only I don't know how to get people to visit. Apparently each person that visits adds to the town's population. It is completely pointless, but I want to see what happens when the town gets 50 people living there. So please visit my city and i'll give you whichever house there you want!

I'm Dating Retarded

2007-10-24T00:59:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I have just realized I've never really done the whole date to get to know someone thing before. All my "relationships" have been friends that just sorta became more. Well, last week I went on a first date. And a second.... and I have NO idea what I am supposed to be doing and what the proper protocol is.

I also realize that means I'm retarded or something.

I've also never really waited until I really really really liked someone before I slept with them. So I am going to try that this time around, if I can manage to. I know, novel idea right? Which means I get to do all the things most people did when they were 16 and I never did, namely make out a lot haha.

But I still don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I'm hopeless.

In happy news, though, I've lost 8.5 pounds in the last two weeks. So I am now a mere 12 lbs heavier than when I finished high school. That's exciting.

Photo Hunt: Original

2007-09-29T00:41:00.000-05:00

It's that time again...for the Saturday Photo Hunt and this week's theme is: Original. So let's see what I came up with...

These potties were at last year's Race for the Cure and I think pretty pink porto-potties is fairly original.

My mom moved to Florida and thinks Christmas where it is still warm enough to get a tan is pretty silly. She came up with some original decorating ideas for the holiday though, don't you think?

The bunny was originally inside that giant glass.
Yeah, ok, this one is more of a joke.

As always, let us know if you participated so we can check out your original photos.

Photo Friday: Comfort

2007-09-28T00:46:00.000-05:00

This is my first time doing Photo Friday, but the theme is comfort. And nothing says comfort to me as sleepy animals.

A Note For All The Men Out There

2007-09-25T19:23:00.000-05:00

No, this isn't family friendly.

FOREPLAY
Grabbing a boob really hard is not foreplay. Squeezing them as hard as you can does not feel good. And if you bruise boobs without giving them a good time, you might not get a second chance. Breasts are your friends. Start gently and if you're encouraged to be rough, then you can. But don't assume all women like you to twist and squeeze boobs. When you basically flatten them in your fist, it's not sexy. Likewise, poking our backs doesn't count either.

THE FAST FISH
The Fast Fish thing isn't sexy. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't get a woman off. If anything, they lay there thinking "WTF" and not in a good way. I mean seriously, that move is what they put in movies to emphasize how bad someone is in bed in a comical manner because no one is supposed to do that. Ever. If you end up looking like a fish flopping around or a rabbit humping a stick, just don't do it.

GET OVER YOUR EGO
Guys, get over your ego. If a gal wants to bring in other stimulants, it doesn't have to mean something bad. Sex with help, and toys, can be fun. And really good. But if you slap our hand away from helping out when you can't do it for us, it pisses us the fuck off. Some gals can't climax from penetration alone. If you aren't picking up on that, be thankful that your girl will take the initiative and do it herself. At least then you know she wants to climax and isn't going to just fake it.

CONDOMS
Complaining that a condom is getting in the way is not how you're going to convince anyone to let you stick it to us without a rubber. You want sex, you're wearing it. You don't wear it, you can just go home right now. If you are in a committed relationship and discussed the issue, then sex without the cover might be acceptable, but only if you both agree.

SILENT SEX
Just don't do it. Communication is necessary for good sex. We tell you what we like, when we ask how you like it, tell us something. Hell, say something at all. When you don't talk or moan or make any noise, we don't know if you're getting what you want. If you like it fast or slow or whatever, tell us. But we can't get you off if you don't let us know what you like. You also have to listen to what we tell you. If we tell you to keep doing what you're doing, or that we're about to orgasm, or that's what we like....why the hell would you stop doing whatever it was you were doing? You don't have to say what they do in pornos. We get that, chances are we won't either. But you gotta say something. At least that it feels good. Goodness, give us something to go on here.*

THE CLIMAX
If your girl is breathing harder or moaning louder or saying something so blunt as "That's It!!!" she might be having an orgasm. Not all of us are going to say "I'm cumming" every time we have sex. We aren't porn stars, don't expect real sex to be like porn sex. It also takes more than a minute for most of us to reach that point. It takes warming up and repetition. When you switch up what you're doing every five seconds, don't expect us to orgasm easily.

The vagina has spoken and that concludes our lesson.

*Girls, you're just as bad at this I hear. So speak up. Men aren't psychic either. And if you don't know what you like, go to the store and get yourself a Battery Operated Buddy and figure it out. Your sex will greatly improve as a result.

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure

2007-09-21T00:49:00.000-05:00

I am doing the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure again this year. For those who aren't familiar with it, the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation was made from a promise, a promise a sister made to do everything she could to help end breast cancer. The name has changed to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, but the promise is the same. Since its inception in 1982, Komen for the Cure has become the world's largest grassroots of breast cancer survivors and activists fighting together to save lives through empowering people, providing quality care for everyone, and funding research to find the cure.

The Race for the Cure is the world's largest organization of races with 116 throughout the world. So far, it has helped Komen for the Cure raise over $1 billion for the fight against breast cancer. And just think, if all the participants worldwide got at least ten people to donate ten dollars, 20,000 participants would help raise $2 million. And that will help a lot of communities provide education, screening, and treatment for breast cancer.

The Komen Race for the Cure in Austin is Sunday November 4, 2007. It is the largest 5k in Austin, which if you don't know is a town that has a lot of 5ks throughout the year. My starting goal is to raise $200 but I would love to beat that. Please consider donating or even look up Komen Race for the Cure near you! Every step is a step closer to ending breast cancer.

More Mom Madness

2007-09-11T00:52:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm still upset by the phone call. I can't shake it.

I can't shake it because I've realized I need to know the truth. I don't want my mom to say she's sorry or tell me I was right. I don't care about being right. I know that whatever she's done she never did to intentionally hurt me. I just need her to tell me the truth so I can know what is real. It sucks knowing that I have some false memories. It sucks more that there is only one person that can establish the difference between real and phony in my life. What sucks most is that one person will likely never do that.

I would like to ask her. I thought about it today. What if I told her I had something tough to ask her that she wouldn't like but I have to ask? What if I told her that I don't want to hear she's sorry or that I was right? What if I told her I didn't want to come off as attacking her? What if I told her I know none of it was meant to hurt me? What if I told her I know she didn't really have any control over it? What if I told her that no matter what the truth is, I would still love her? Would I then be able to ask her what things in my life she made up and let me keep believing? Would she finally be honest?

Weekend Snapshot and Random 10

2007-09-09T16:56:00.000-05:00

So it is time to start the Weekend Snapshot.

This weekend I spent quite a bit of time on my hammock. Not only that, but my bunny spent time out there with me. He’s quite the snuggly little love. It was nice and relaxing to nap out there with Beep Beep.

The nice thing is that goes well with the Music Memoirs Random 10 since you pick 10 songs that relate to your weekend, or were on your playlist, and a photo that relates back. You’ve seen the photo, now here are the songs.

1. The Eyes Of Texas Are Upon You by the University of Texas Marching Band. Obviously this makes the cut since UT beat TCU in the football game this weekend.
2. Bicycle Race by Queen. I went to the taping of an interview with Lance Armstrong so I had to include something related to bikes.
3. Into The Ocean by Blue October. I got tickets to their concert in November so they made the cut.
4. Nobody Knows Me At All by The Weepies. I’ve been feeling rather unknown of late.
5. Just Push Play by Aerosmith. I’ve been listening to lots of music this weekend in prep for the ACL festival next weekend. No, they aren’t playing the festival but I have just been pushing play.
6. For The Price Of A Cup Of Tea by Belle And Sebastian. I love drinking tea, any kind of tea.
7. I’ve been Netflixing Dexter as of late and so the theme song from the Showtime show is on the list.
8. God Only Knows by The Beach Boys. Similarly to 7, I’ve been watching a lot of HBO’s Big Love and this is the theme song.
9. Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler. This song will always remind me of my mom and we’ve been having issues you could say…
10. I Am Not Your Broom by They Might Be Giants. My dog has been pottying inside this week and I am SICK of cleaning up after him.

Doing either of these meme? Add your link so we can visit your site.

Middle Name Meme

2007-09-09T14:20:00.000-05:00

So meeyauw tagged me to do this meme.

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Obligatory Rules, Copy and put in your post.
First, post the meme rules before you start listing the facts of the meme. Then, for each letter of your middle name, list a fact/statement relevant to you and/or your life, in some way. If you don’t have a middle name, pick one. And then, of course, you tag others.

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One of my great grandfathers died maybe about a week before I was born. He was my grandmother's father. I was supposed to be a boy and so my middle name was going to be John after him. My mom and grandmother both were named after him, Johnna, and my mom hates that name so when I popped out a girl she refused to do that to me. So I got his last name as my middle name.

B Bunny. I have a pet bunny named Beep Beep.
L Love. As of yet, I have not been in love.
A Aquariums. I love aquariums and can't get enough of them.
N Nasty. I don't like to eat hot dogs, mushrooms, olives or green peas.
T Tea. I love tea: iced tea or hot tea, green tea or black tea, if it's tea it's good.
O Offspring. I am one of two for my parents and don't desire any of my own.
N Nocturnal. I have pretty severe insomnia that I usually feel nocturnal.

Now I am supposed to tag people. I never like doing that because I never know who to tag or how many. So if you want to do this meme, consider yourself tagged. But to make sure someone does it.... I tag Ezrinjaz. Mostly because I think she'll actually do it.

Photo Hunt: Music and something extra

2007-09-08T20:38:00.000-05:00

Yep, it's time for the Saturday Photo Hunt. This week's theme is Music. Looking through my iPhoto, I noticed I had quite a few so I picked three different ones.

This is a bunny playing the drums on a 4th of July float. Not sure why they had a bunny, but I thought it was funny and took a picture.

This is my friend Toothpaste sinking Karaoke at my birthday this past April. What a rock star!

Halloween last year I went with some friends to a party for a bunch of Russians and Ukrainians that live here. The band that was playing was a bunch of guys dressed up as Babushkas, or Russian Grandmothers.

And for some extra entertainment, here is a video that truly inspires me..... haha ok, it's a video on cat herding.

Friday Fill In

2007-09-07T01:03:00.000-05:00

1. I admire people who know when to ask for help.
2. I crave Chick-fil-A's waffle fries.
3. I dislike when my dog potties inside.
4. I enjoy getting regular massages.
5. I wonder how you can get a model ship into a glass bottle.
6. I want progress in therapy to not hurt so much right now.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to snuggling with my pets, tomorrow my plans include starting a good book in my hammock and Sunday, I want to watch a bunch of movies and be lazy!

To see more participants' answers, check out Fond of Snape.

The Random 10 Weekend Wrap Up

2007-09-03T01:55:00.000-05:00

So The Music Memoirs asks for 10 songs that either describe your weekend or were on your weekend playlist and one picture that relates to it.

Here are 10 songs I listened to this weekend.
Artist - "Song Title" - Album*

1. The Refreshments - "Nada" - Fizzy Fuzzy Big & Buzzy
2. Gary Jules - "Mad World" - Dead Like Me Soundtrack
3. Josh Ritter - "Bright Smile" - Hello Starling
4. The Weepies - "World Spins Madly On" - Say I Am You
5. Mike Doughty - "Looking At The World From The Bottom Of A Well" - Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack
6. Ray LaMontagne - "Narrow Escape" - Trouble
7. James Morrison - "The Rain Must Fall" - Undiscovered
8. Morrissey - "The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get" - The Best Of Morrissey
9. Yo La Tengo - "My Little Corner Of The World" - Gilmore Girls Soundtrack
10. Elton John - "I'm Still Standing" - Greatest Hits 1970-2002

And a photo to sum it up? This is a photo a friend of mine took and showed me today. I really like it and it is an image as to how I feel, like there is this vast world out there and not much sign of a good friend. To see more of his work, he has a website. And if any of you are in London, he has an upcoming show.

A Fortune In A Cookie

2007-09-01T14:33:00.000-05:00

I saw another blogger post their fortune they got from a website. They posted a warning that some of the fortunes seem a bit risque. Naturally, that made me immediately click the link so I could get my fortune. And then I got:

My Fortune Cookie told me:
Fortune cookies may be bad for your health.
Get a cookie from Miss Fortune

Photo Hunt: Dirty

2007-08-31T23:24:00.000-05:00

This week's PhotoHunt theme is : dirty.

Dirty words to dirty up a tree.

Dirty fish guts.

Dirty bachelorette party cake.

Looks dirty, doesn't it perv?

Mommy Madness

2007-08-31T02:43:00.000-05:00

I've blogged about my mom before. Lots. Today is another one of those days....er nights seeing as it is 3AM.

She called today to tell me she's lost 21 pounds this month. I don't know that I believe her first of all, if she has it isn't healthy. And it pissed me off because I've been working hard to lose weight and recently hit the 25 pounds mark. And it certainly wasn't in one month. So I started crying. Yes, I cry easily.

Then it came out. Most of the things I've ever wanted to say to her but bottled up for years just gushed out. I blew up. I told her it hurt me because everytime I ever told her something about me - be it something good or something bad - she has to have it happen to her but better or worse than it does me. She said she didn't realize she did that but would look out for it.

I told her that when I told her I was raped, she had to tell me she was raped with a gun up her butt (I don't believe that ever happened) and it hurt me. I moved back in with her after I was raped and 2 months later she kicked me out, saying I wasn't getting over it fast enough and I was bumming her out, that hurt me. And I said that it hurt me when at the first "anniversary" of the rape, she made up a story about being raped by a cabby. And that I knew she made it up because I had read the police report. I asked why the hell she would do that, that that was why when I reported what happened to me, nothing happened. I told her her timing couldn't have possibly been worse.

Her excuse was she was drunk and not getting enough attention from her live-in boyfriend at the time.

But I didn't stop there. I told her how much it hurt me when she asked me if I even said no when I was telling the police officer. She claimed she just asked if I said no, but that's a lie. Either way, the police officer hadn't even gotten to that part of the story. I had asked her to sit in the room with me for emotional support, not to say anything and that she had no business asking me anything then. Then she had the audacity to tell me it looked bad because I only wanted to report the crime and not press charges because I didn't want something bad to happen. That's not an accurate reasoning for why I didn't want to press charges. And who cares if it looks bad, it was MY choice. The reason many rape victims don't report it is because everyone tells them they should and it is a way they can do what they want without being FORCED.

And then I told her it hurt that she's basically cut us (my sister and me) out of her life. That we went from talking to her and seeing her all the time, to maybe going a month or so without talking to her. I told her it hurt me that I had to blow up to tell her things, but I'm scared to talk to her and she isn't easy to talk to. I told her that while she wasn't a perfect mom, she was still my mom. I don't need her to be perfect, I just need her.

She was silent.

I told her I was worried about her. That she hasn't made her amends to Sister or me. That I'm not sure when she did her 4th and 5th step, but we never heard it. That when we were visiting her for Christmas, we gave her the opportunity by asking what it meant and she said we just tell her everything she's done wrong. I told her I knew that wasn't what it meant and since she hadn't made any amends to us, we were worried she wasn't working her program.

She told me that's not what the 4th or 5th step is.

She knew what I meant and that was her response? Ok, so I was four steps off and it's the 8th and 9th steps. Either way, she's supposed to make amends for the rest of her life for things she she does wrong. How can she admit her mistakes in the future if she still can't admit the mistakes of her past. I know she made up the rape, I know she stole money from me, I know she made up diseases. I know the things she would have written in her 4th step. But I still need her to make her amends. Not because I want her to recount all the mistakes she made in the past, but because I need to know she has changed and is working her program. Admitting what she did before is the only way she can show me she's not in denial anymore. It's the only way I can see that she's working to change. I need to know she wants to change.

Most of all, I just need my mommy.

Friday Fill In

2007-08-30T23:27:00.000-05:00

It's time for another Friday Fill In.

1. The last time someone flirted with me, I was an egg and it was a sperm.
2. I am SO glad my house is clean.
3. Where in the world is some chocolate?
4. Long weekends are the times to avoid parks because of the crowds.
5. Coming up next: a really really late dinner.
6. I adore my snuggly bunny, Beep Beep.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to dinner and a movie with my aunt and cousin, tomorrow my plans include being as lazy as possible and Sunday, I want to take myself to a movie!

Thursday Thirteen: Pet Stories

2007-08-30T00:36:00.000-05:00

 
Thirteen Things about ME

1. The first pet I had, that I remember at all was Buddy and he was a dog. All I remember is I was really little and he was really big. He had to be put down because he got Parvo. Boooo.

2. Sarah was a mutt we saved from the neighbors of some family friends. They were going to take this cute puppy out to the country to shoot because they didn't want her. So our family friends grabbed her with the hopes of finding her a family. They had a big party with all their friends' families. I was the youngest kid, I think, and so I was more interested in the cute puppy. Then we found a table and took a nap together until it was time to go home and I asked if I could keep her. My parents said only if she would come to me when I called out her name. I said her name is Sarah and she walked right to me and sat down.

3. Holly was a pound dog my sister got for some reason. My mom took my sister to Special Pals for her to pick out a dog. The next day after school, I went with my mom to pick up the dog and had to climb into the cage to get her. She was sleeping in the back and no one could reach where she was to get to her and I was the only one small enough to climb in there.

4. Brutus is quite possibly the best dog that ever lived. He was a giant yellow lab I got for my 13th birthday when I asked for a little fluffy black dog haha. He was just a puppy when I got him but had the biggest doggie feet that we knew he was going to be huge. We still had Holly at the time and she was a smaller dog (not quite as small as a weenie dog but almost). He would follow her everywhere, thinking he was the same size. I remembered this old movie called The Ugly Dachshund. In the movie the wife had little weenie dogs and then the husband got a Great Dane that thought he was little like the other dogs and got in a lot of trouble. His name was Brutus so I decided that would be my dog's name too.

5. We still lived in Houston when we first got Brutus and some neighbors also had a Yellow Lab, I think his name was Earl. Anyway, one day another set of neighbors saw a Yellow Lab running around and put him in their yard until they could get a hold of us. So we went over to collect Brutus, without even checking to see if he was gone.I waltzed into their backyard and  came out saying  "Ewww, our dog is pretty and that one is really ugly." Turns out it was Earl.

6. Right now I have a Sheltie named Elton. And while Brutus is the best dog that ever lived, Elton is my favorite dog ever (doesn't make sense does it?). This summer I went on a road trip to a small town in Colorado with my friend, Toothpaste. We spread out newspaper in the backseat so Elton wouldn't scratch her seats or get it messy. He laid down and had his head looking down for a long time. There was more newspaper on the floor and after a while I proclaimed, "I'm worried my dog is going to learn to read and get car sick."

7. My sister got a Bassett Hound and named him Marley, as in Bob Marley. When she was in high school, she got into a pot smoking phase and Marley really liked to be around it...I think the name doomed him to be a pot dog.

8. This past Christmas, my sister and I went to visit our mom in Florida, where Marley now lives. We were out to dinner with some of her friends at a nice restaurant. Now, Marley smells really bad sometimes. Halfway through the appetizers, I leaned over to Sister and said at almost the same time she was saying it to me, "I smell Marley." We thought maybe his stink had gotten into our clothes or something and were busy sniffing each other until I looked over and realized it was the BBQ Ribs appetizer. "Sister, Marley smells like ribs."

9. Sister has two dogs, one of which is a Boykin Spaniel. His name is Whiskey. Anyway, he's one of the dogs that they cut the tails really short so he only has a stub. It's sort of squishy so I like to squeeze it and call him "Wikky Wikky." So now I tell Sister when we talk on the phone to squeeze the squish on Wikky Wikky and she does. He's grown to like the squish being sqeezed haha.

10. I bought my bunny Beep Beep, who today I discovered is a Dutch bunny, on the side of the road. I was driving home from Dad's, which is a 2.5 hour drive. The bunny sat in my lap the whole time and seemed terrified. I was listening to The Incredible Moses Leroy's Electric Pocket Radio album. When it started over the song "Beep Beep Love" came on. The bunny started bopping his head to the chorus when it said "beep beep love" and I decided the bunny was telling me his name. So his name is Nash Beep Beep Love, but he just knows Beep Beep.

11. Our mom was never a cat person, so we never had cats growing up. One day we drove to see a friend of hers play in a band. Some woman was there with a cute little kitty and asked if we wouldn't mind playing with it (I was in high school and Sister was in middle school) so she could enjoy the music without worrying about the cat for a bit. After a while, we went to our mom and asked if we could get a cat. She hesitated and Sister and I looked at each other; we knew if we asked again we could keep the kitty (the lady had told us she would give it to us if we wanted it). So we asked and went home with Nikita, who came to Kitty. She spoiled me to where I don't think I could ever get another cat again.

12. When we were little, Santa gave Sister and me a bunny rabbit. It died the next day so our parents found some people selling their rabbit to replace it. His name was Flash and he liked to hump our dad's leg. He also liked to play frisbee with us. We'd hold out the little plastic plates of our plastic tea set and Flash would grab it and toss it to the other one of us. And yes, we went around the neighborhood and sold tickets for 5 cents for The Amazing Flash Frisbee Show. Surprisingly, almost everyone bought a ticket. No one came.

13. Ok, another story about Marley the rib smelling dog. My mom moved to Florida 3 years ago. At first she was living in a house with a little patio on the roof outside the bedrooms on the second story. One afternoon, she was outside by the pool smoking and all of a sudden the dog came flying at her. He had been stuck on the roof patio and wanted to get down.Instead of barking, he decided his big ears would help him fly. Somehow, he didn't get hurt at all.
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Not Sure How To Feel Or If I Should

2007-08-29T01:41:00.000-05:00

So someone close to me told me she thinks she might be gay. I've known her most of my life and consider her a sister. I'll call her Tattoo since she has a few.

Tattoo called me recently to tell me she thinks she might be gay. My honest response was so what, but I said "and?" thinking she was going to tell me she had met a girl or something.

"Well, what do you think?"
"So what? It isn't a part of you that makes me care for you or not."
"So you still love me then?"
"Tattoo, there is nothing in this world you could ever do to make me not love you or love you any less."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Ok, talk to you tomorrow."

I've never had someone I was close with and known as heterosexual later discover they were homosexual and I've often wondered how I would feel if such a thing happened. I honestly didn't feel any different about Tattoo or anything. I suppose I feel absolutely no attachment to other people's sexuality. I don't feel disappointed or scared or excited or anything. And while I understand it's a bigger part of who someone is in that it dictates who they might be in a relationship with, I really don't see it any differently than someone telling me they want to dye their hair or something. I mean, yeah it is a part of you, but it isn't really you.

The part I reacted to is the thought that I wouldn't love her any more. That's what stirred up emotions. It makes me sad that she is scared people will stop loving her and caring about her. And it scares me that she didn't trust me to love her. In many ways I feel like she's all I have in this world. When my family got all screwy and weird, she was there for me. And I honestly do not know what I would do without her, if I could even survive. So it scares me that she didn't trust that I would be there for her. With Tattoo, my love really is unconditional. I might not like things she says or does sometimes, but I will always love Tattoo.

I just wish I knew how I could help her understand and believe that I will always love her and be there for her.

Thursday Thirteen: My Take on Movies

2007-08-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things about -E

So I'm obsessed with movies. I went to film school so I use that as an excuse, but I think I really went to film school to cover up my addiction. I figured I could talk about 13 movies I feel strongly about.

1. To Kill A Mockingbird (1962). Ok, so the book is great and if you haven't read it, go read it now. Ok, great. Now go watch the movie. Gregory Peck plays Atticus Finch and if you didn't fall in love with him in written form, you will now. My mom loves this movie too, so part of the reason I love this film is purely nostalgia speaking. But then again, it did win 3 Oscars so obviously a lot of other people love this movie too. It's a classic, just go watch it. You'll fall in love with what a movie can do, what so many movies now fail to accomplish now.

2. Welcome To The Dollhouse (1996). Ok, so this is an indie flick. It was Todd Solondz' second film, and I don't really care for his others in any particular way. This one just hit home. It's about a girl who doesn't fit in at all; her own family ignores her all but completely. People call her Wiener Dog. I think I am Wiener Dog. In a way, we are all Wiener Dog because adolescence can be utterly sucky. Plus the movie has one of my fave lines of all time:
"You didn't come in here to wash your hands."
"Y...yes, I did."
"You came in here to take a shit"
"No... really...I don't have to go. My hands were just dirty, that's all."
"Liar! I can smell you from here."

3. Silence Of The Lambs (1991). Ok, so it's a good movie. That's not why it holds a spot dear to my heart. See, I have pretty severe insomnia and my mom does too. For the longest time, mom couldn't go to sleep without watching this movie. Yes, it's twisted that she couldn't sleep without watching a movie about a cannibal who is helping the FBI track down a serial killer. But that's my mom for you. I'll always love this movie for this reason, even if it were crappy. But it's good, so watch it.

4. Vanilla Sky (2001). I'm switching things up. I HATE this movie. No, I LOATHE this movie. It sucks old decrepit donkey balls. If I had to think of the 5 worst movies I have ever seen, this definitely gets put on that list. It keeps trying to trick you and mess with your mind about what's going on. And then. It. Explains. It. All. In. An. Elevator. For. Thirty. Minutes. And you know what? I don't care! Hell, I saw this twice in the theater, hoping that I would end up liking it and no, I just hated it more.

5. But I'm A Cheerleader (2000). This movie makes me giggle something awful. I don't think it is for the more conservative audiences among us because it's mocking the Ex-Gay camps and such. But the idea of a 12 step program and finding a root cause to make someone "think" they are gay is just hilarious. That and the gender roles it teaches are funny. Plus it has RuPaul as a man and how many people know what he looks like?

6. Gone With The Wind (1939). Yep, another classic. I just watched it for the first time this year and it's just wonderful. It truly is an epic film at nearly 4 hours long. But it takes you through almost the entire range of emotions. And as crappy as a lot of it is, it also seems to carry a message of hope; a message of hope that holds true to today because it is the definition of a timeless film.

7. The Boondock Saints (1999). Ok, it definitely isn't as classic as some of the others on my list. But this movie is stinkin hilarious. It makes an art of the F word. I tried counting how many times it was said and gave up at 300 when it wasn't even half over. Sure it's violent vigilantism. And sure, it appeals to the most base desires. But I still love it.

8. American Psycho (2000). Christian Bale is hot.

Ok really, that's a huge draw for sure. But it's a mind trip. I mean the guy is messed up. But even as he's killing people, he's funny. It's nice to see a character as obsessed with music as I am. And remember, :Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour."

9. Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975). Really I couldn't have a complete list of movies I feel strongly about without admitting my love for Monty Python. I'm obsessed. And since I seem to quote Holy Grail and have seen Spamalot, I figured this is the movie to stick on the list.

10. Young Frankenstein (1974). In similar vein as #9, my list wouldn't be a true list without putting some Mel Brooks on there. This one was a bit more challenging to pick than the Monty Python rep though. Young Frankenstein is a hilarious take on a familiar story. I think this one will always be a film I love for nostalgic purposes too. No matter what my mood was, or how my mom was feeling, we could always watch Young Frankenstein and feel better. It was a way for us to spend time with each other that allowed for us to ignore the problems. And I'll forever be grateful for that.

11. The Royal Tenenbaums (2001). This is my family. Ok, I like Wes Anderson's films because they have an element of boredom to them that makes them so real it's hysterical. Not the blatant jokes type of hysterical, but dark and subtle cleverness that just makes me cry. It's a freak show. It is my family.

12. Benny & Joon (1993). This is one of the first movies I remember designating as a favorite. It's also proof that Johnny Depp is a genius with his Buster Keaton-esque performance. Even if we can't do everything everyone else can do, we can still love others. And I love Benny & Joon. It's such a touching movie.

13. Babel (2006). It was hard deciding which new release that had a lot of critical acclaim I should put down. I decided to go with one that I hated more than the rest. I cannot even begin to articulate how much this movie is a waste of our time to watch it. Perhaps as three separate movies they would be more compelling, but the jumbling up of seperate lives whose paths cross it is crap. Serious crap. How the lives are connected is weak at best. And trying so hard to show how different everyone is, it failed to make me care about a single person in the film. Maybe if everyone in it was killed it would have at least entertained me. I wanted to like it. I wanted to take something back after watching it. Instead, I just asked for my money back.

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I'm Going Crazy.

2007-08-20T23:38:00.000-05:00

Nuts. Psycho. Something. Really. I mean it.

I've been crying for well over 30 minutes kind of crazy.

The I want to hide in my closet but can't find a dark enough corner to hide from the world in kind of crazy.

I'm dry heaving but can't throw up I'm so upset kind of crazy.

Truly crazy. Nuts. Psycho.

Photo Hunt : Two

2007-08-19T03:07:00.000-05:00

This week's theme in the Saturday Photo Hunt is "Two". My photo is my dog and his two front feet.

Just Votes Away

2007-08-17T20:49:00.000-05:00

Spin Alley needs to be in the top 25 to continue in the ACL Battle of the Bands to get a chance to play at the festival in September.

Please go VOTE so my friends have a shot.

They've been bouncing back and forth between 25th and 26th. Voting ends Monday the 20th and if they are in the Top 25, they move on to the next round. I would be forever grateful. I'm sure my friends would love you forever too.

Friday Fill In

2007-08-17T19:53:00.000-05:00

Julie, of I Love a Good Book, came up with the questions this week, check her out! Friday Fill-in is from Fond of Snape, another great blog that I've recently become addicted to. My answers are in bold.

1. There's _rain_ and then there's _a torrential downpour_!
2. Subscribe to _film movement_ because _it supports great independent film_.
3. I love a good book because _it can be a new world to explore when mine isn't so great_.
4. My favourite position is _laying on the hammock with a cool breeze, good tunes, and a good book_.
5. I need to quit _obsessing about pickles_.
6. I need to start _going to bed at a human hour_.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _watching a good movie_, tomorrow my plans include _getting an 90 minute massage_ and Sunday, I want to _go to lunch and Le Garage Sale with Toothpaste_!

Thursday Thirteen: Grandmother

2007-08-16T19:57:00.000-05:00

So I've caved in and decided to do some memes. Mostly because I'm bored.

Thirteen Things about My Grandmother (mom's side)

1. My mom's mother steals dogs...she convinces people who keep their dogs outside all the time to give them to her because she'll keep them in the AC. I'm serious. If she finds out a neighbor of hers has dogs banished to being outside dogs, she'll try to make them hers. She'll start with just insisting they spend the night at her house every night until eventually the dogs' owners just give her their dogs. Instead of being a crazy cat woman, she's the dog lady. I can't remember the last time she had less than three dogs.

2. She hates terms like granny, grandma, or other "cutesie" names. She's always told us to either call her Grandmother, GM, or her first name. She's trying to convince me to call her by her name since as an adult, I'm too old to call someone grandmother. However, when one of my cousins was little and not quite able to say "grandmother", she called our grandmother "Me Nutty" and that just made her livid. Recently she said I could call her GIN for Gee, I'm Nutty so long as I never told others what it meant.

3. My grandmother has her dogs cremated when they die or are put down. She has them put in urns and plans on them being burried with her. She keeps trying to convince me to paint pictures of the dogs, but that just sounds creepy for me.

4. When I was little, oh probably five or six, I went into the aviary at the Houston Zoo with my parents and my grandmother. I looked down below and saw a stork or a flamingo, it was some bird with long skinny legs, and proclaimed "Look, that bird has grandmother legs." My mom still calls her Old Bird Legs from time to time.

5. I get a purse from her every year, sometimes at my birthday and other years at Christmas. She insists I always have whatever she deems the "hot" purse to have that year.

6. When I went to my aunt and uncle's country house on a creek, we went canoeing. At one point it was too shallow for the canoe to cross so we had to get out and carry it maybe 10 feet. Grandmother refused to get out of the canoe so my aunt and I had to carry her in the canoe over the rocks.

7. My grandmother is the youngest of three girls. One of her sisters lives out of state, but the other one lives two blocks from her.

8. Grandmother owns her own store. It's a cute boutique that does mostly gifts (people register there when they get married sort of gifts) but she also sells a few select lines of clothes.

9. Grandmother used to live in this two story house with a pool. She sold that to her youngest son and moved....across the alley. She just goes in their home through their garage whenever she wants.

10. Instead of taking her dogs for walks, she takes them for rides in her car. To be fair, it started when she took my dog Brutus and he got to the point he wasn't able to go on walks but he still liked to look out the window so he could smell out his neighborhood. She just continued it with the next set of dogs she got.

11. She loves oatmeal and pomegranate juice.

12. Grandmother loves television. She's always calling to make sure I watch whichever show she thinks is really good. Usually I agree with her.

13. Grandmother loves Christmas, or at least acts like she does. She likes to drive around looking at Christmas lights and always knows where the best decorated neighborhoods are. However, she puts out a few metal stars on her front gate, no lights, and considers that being decorate.

Leave your Thursday Thirteen link in the comments so we can all visit your list too!

The Real Judge Judy

2007-08-16T19:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, not really, the judge was a dude.

You see, I've been asked to be a character witness for a friend in what is turning into an ugly custody battle. Originally the hearing was going to be a couple of weeks ago but the judge told them to go to Mediation. Obviously he doesn't want to intervene in this because some custody battles can get pretty ugly and honestly quite silly. And of course the one being silly isn't going to admit it so mediation can help. It didn't. That day we found out as soon as I got there that it was being pushed.

Today is when they rescheduled it to be. We sat in the court room all day only to be told they have to go to mediation again, only this time to follow the judge's orders as to whom will be their mediator. So it's been pushed again.

But enough about why I was in court...

Today was the first time I have stepped foot inside of a court room. It was in a small town, so obviously the room was small. I had no idea what to expect. Heck, I didn't even known there was a schedule of lots of things to be heard and no set time as to when they would be heard. So I arrive and they call out two dockets, one for criminal matters and another for civil - two other people were there to get divorces.

So I'm in a court for the first time AND I get to see real live criminals in front of a judge? No way. The first few were pushed for lack of council or other reasons, I'm not sure because they all went right in front of the judge and talked quietly enough that I couldn't really hear.

Then another bailiff walked in with, catch this, a person in a jumpsuit with handcuffs tied to their waist and cuffs around their ancles. I've only seen that on TV. I'm in court for the first time, watching criminals being passed down their fates, and see someone in cuffs for the first time. What a day. Then another person in the same get up comes in. Two people in holding? It's like out of a movie.

The part of it not out of a movie is how most of the criminals looked. They look like your neighbor, your minister, your daughter's teacher. You could pass these people on the streets and have no idea they had any legal troubles, let alone to the point of needing to be held in a county jail. In the movies they always look sleazy and greasy. They have tattoos and piercings all over and need a shower. They look like bad guys in movies. That's not real.

The part of real life that was real was when a ton more bailiffs came into the courtroom. It was a bond hearing to possibly lower bonds for two men. Two men who are awaiting trial for murder. Yep, my first time in court, my first time seeing people cuffed, and my first time being in a room with two accused murderers whose lives are in the hands of the judge in front of me. If you've seen a movie or tv show where there is a trial and they discuss how much bail is and if someone is a flight risk, that's what I watched. They set up microphones for the witnesses. The defense and prosecution were sitting at the desks at both sides of the room. The court stenographer was typing away the record of what was being said. Evidence was submitted, testimonies were given, and judgment was handed down. I hope on all that is good and right in this world that I never have to go through anything like that. I cannot imagine how hard it was for the family of the deceased to sit in a courtroom with the two men who allegedly killed their loved one. But I also can't imagine what it must be like to have to testify in a case because your brother or father or son or husband is on trial for murder. I can't imagine being involved in that at all and hope I never will be.

Today was a big day of firsts. And there was a blend of reality and movies. And I'm tired.

They are the Sound. You are the Jury.

2007-08-15T14:41:00.000-05:00

Some friends of mine are in a competition to play at ACL this year. Their fate is riding in your hands. I know you have more than one email address. I know you like having the power. Go forth and do good in this world. They need to be in the top 25, they have 5 days to accomplish it, and right now 2000 votes in the way.

They are the sound. You are thier jury. Do what's right.

I HATE TIME WARNER WITH A FIREY PASSION

2007-08-14T00:13:00.001-05:00

And I don't care if there's a friggin clause in my contract with them saying I can't take their name in vain. I wouldn't want to if they didn't suck old saggy, hairy, donkey balls.

So I get cable, internet and phone from them. Generally I'd use a local company but they haven't expanded to this part of town so I can't get service through them. My digital phone hasn't worked since about a month after I got it. The regular cable box I have in my room is possessed or on crack or possessed by a crackwhore. It makes freaky clicky sounds every 5-12 minutes, 12 if I'm not watching tv and 5 if I am. The fun part is it also freezes when it makes those sounds. So even when I record an hour show, it takes me an hour and a half to watch it, instead of less time like it should from fastforwarding through commercials.

Ok fine, I don't watch tv much in bed anyway. The internet has always worked and until tonight the HDtv box has worked too. In the MIDDLE of a tv show I was watching, it decides to reboot itself, thus not recording the show I was watching either. It has now done its freaky countdown to reboot thing FIVE times. I've been on hold to get to a dude to help me this whole time.

If they only have one person working on their 24 hour customer support line fine, at least give me some decent music to listen to. Not some elevator version of electronica.

Oh, it's started counting down for its sixth time now. UGGGG

I hate HATE hate monopolies. I wouldn't use Time Warner but I HAVE NO CHOICE if I want these services. Where I live it is either Time Warner or Nothing. What the heck kind of country is this that there is no customer choice. Screw that.
_________________

ETA 20 minutes later:

I hung up at over 20 minutes on hold. Called back and tried a different problem issue to deal with, since I have problems with two. The cable one has a nice option to put in your name and phone number and they call you back when its your turn instead of me having to sit with a hot phone burning my ear. It claims 10-14 minutes is my wait time.

Meanwhile the TV has done its countdown thing two more times.

Oh and naturally I had to look up an 800 number because the customer service number included in the materials they gave me when they hooked everything up doesn't actually work anymore.
_________________

ETA Another 30 Minutes Later:

Finally someone called me back. Apparently the cable decided to turn off and countdown countless time (I stopped counting at 16) is because it's doing a Firmware update. I appreciate that they're trying to keep me updated with the most current stuff out there. But why the hell can't it be smart like TiVo and update when it IS NOT IN USE?!?! I mean, I was watching something that won't be rebroadcast on Sunday or whenever things are rebroadcast. And it isn't like it's going to be on ShowTime on Demand or anything.

So naturally I asked if I could be comped some of the fee if it wasn't working when I wanted to use it. She said no, they can't comp Firmware update times. So I asked if I could receive a warning about when it would happen. She put me on hold for a bit - if she was doing something or not is anyone's guess - and said no, they don't know when it is going to happen. I find that hard to believe. Why is TiVo can detect when it isn't in use - no matter what time of day - and update then, but some huge monopoly of a cable company can't do that? Hmmmm.

I asked her if she could fix my phone while I was talking to her. Apparently it's the phone jacks in my house that are wonky, not the digital phone service. So that's good. I can just plug my phone into the modem instead of the modem into the wall right now. So at least I can use it for a bit. She was also able to get me the last appointment for tomorrow morning for someone to come out and actually do work in here.

I have to exchange my room's cable box because she said the clicky thing isn't good. Um duh. But as for the countdown thing, it takes 30-60 minutes. Since it's been that long she said to give it a few hours. That it is trying to find the right frequency.

Frequency my ass.

___________________

It's now 3:30 AM and the HDtv box is still doing its countdown.

So I'm Obsessed...

2007-08-13T01:08:00.000-05:00

I'm obsessed with teeth. I'm one of those freaks that loves going to the dentist. If insurance would cover it, or it wasn't so expensive out of pocket, I'd go every month. I love the feeling of how fresh and clean my entire mouth is after I visit the dentist. I love running my tongue along the front of my teeth to feel how smooth and clean they are.

I even have the $100 toothbrush that dentists sell you. And yes, I think it was worth every cent.

The obsession comes in because it is what I first notice about other people. I can tell roughly how much I will enjoy someone's company based on their teeth. Not that I won't be friends with someone with unfortunate teeth, but it is the superficial line I have when it comes to a date. In fact, I've dated someone who chipped a tooth while we were dating and I wouldn't kiss him until he got it fixed. I think somewhere I have a paranoia that if I get too close to bad teeth, I'll catch it myself. Someone can be attractive in every other way, but if they don't have nice teeth I won't find them babalicious.

Net Neutrality

2007-08-08T02:51:00.000-05:00

So tonight I went to this debate thing (low key for fun sorta debate that this theater has the first Tuesday of every month).

Anyway, I went in never having heard the term "net neutrality" and left not really knowing the definition but having an idea what it sorta referred to. I got the idea that it means different things to different people, especially since the two debaters were arguing things that didn't exactly correlate to being the same subject.

From my understanding, no matter who it is and how they define it, "net neutrality" deals with the open internet platform and how you access it and the concept of regulations thereon. And apparently it's sort of a hot topic in some circles right now, at least in the US, because there are questions on if the US Government (through the FCC) will regulate the internet.

Tonight the viewpoint of the Affirmative stance (Should the government regulate the internet) argued mostly from the point of view that as it is, our access to the internet is really only part of the internet and the monopolies that grant us access have so many limitations on what we can do that the internet would be considered a "ceiling technology".

The person arguing against the government regulating the internet basically did so from an anti FCC stance, saying that if we are limited now that the FCC being in control would make those limitations greater - possibly in many of the same ways they regulate tv and radio.

Neither person was really convincing in their position and the one I asked a question didn't even begin to answer it. So I'm not really sure where I stand on the issue (having people speaking about two different things didn't really help). But I do know I disagreed with points both men made. Here are a few things I thought of during the debate.

1. I'm not really a fan of big government and think only things that are absolutely necessary to be controlled by such should be. Since the internet is a global community at this point, I think it would be impossible and unethical for the US government (be it FCC or otherwise) to really regulate it more than they already do.

2. I think the "limitations" put on our internet access by our ISPs (the limitations in our contracts/user agreements) are mostly there because of laws the government has already put into place on internet use - some good and some bad - so who is to say the government wouldn't place even more limitations/regulations on the technology. (I asked the For man a question about this but he went on talking about something else).

3. I don't really think putting more power into the monopolies is really in the favor of the users necessarily either. If AT&T, Time Warner, Microsoft, Google, etc all agree on limitations to how we can use the internet at home that further their profit and give them more control, it isn't really giving us access to a "base technology" but is also giving us the ceiling from the get go.

4. I also don't think it should be a complete free-for-all on what all can be done online either. As I said in 2, there are some good regulations our government has placed on internet usage, such as the Child Online Protection Act (COPA).

5. Letting the ISPs control it instead also puts the technology in the hands of the privileged as opposed to all. The man arguing against government regulation said if we have a problem with our ISP contracts we can make the choice to not sign them whereas if it were the government we didn't really have a choice to not follow the law. The problem is if our usage is in the hands of these monopolies, there isn't going to be an agreement that is 100% to our liking that not signing the contract isn't really an option for many (some jobs require that you have net access at home for example).

Anger Anger Everywhere

2007-08-06T03:45:00.000-05:00

It's coming out my underware.
Stupid people all around,
Frustration emitting from the ground.
Yelling and screaming behind me
Everything makes me so angry.

This depression is more active
The anger is less selective.
I want to poke you with my stick
'Cuz your face makes me sick.

Doctor says to take a pill
Thinking that I must be ill.
At least now I can sleep
But my stick I think I'll keep.

So be nice and walk away
To live and see another day.
I'll poke to make you disappear
My anger's something you should fear.

I hope the anger goes away
'Cuz I'm scared what I might say.
To be happy soon would be great
Or else poking shall be your fate.

Tour de France Makes Me Wanna Pee

2007-07-28T20:02:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I get that you all aren't as into the Tour de France as I am, and that's cool. I understand. But I want to explain something because I'm so excited I need to pee and throw up right now.

The Tour de France is 20 days of riding, with a few rest days thrown in, so it's a bike race that is 3 weeks long. I don't know about you, but a one hour spinning class makes my butt hurt something awful, I can't imagine three weeks on one! And the days are long, like 6 hours or more some days. That's enough that they have to eat energy bars on their bikes to keep up their blood pressure. So huge race right.

The time difference between first, second and third place is 31 seconds. Between second and third is 9. I can't begin to tell you how incredibly close that race is. Before today, third place was 59 seconds off second. Second was nearly two minutes off first. That's how much the race can change in a day.

I'm so excited that my bodily functions are disobeying my desires because both first and third are on the team I love, team Discovery. This is Discovery's last year of sponsoring a team, the team Lance Armstrong was on (US Postal Service's sponsorship ended and then Discovery took over).

The kid in first is 24 years old. This is his first time riding in the tour. He missed the beginning of THIS YEAR's cycling season because he was recovering from brain surgery after having an aneurysm and now has a plate in his head. That's huge for this young rider. He's going to accomplish some amazing things in his career.

The man in third is an American who has never been on the podium at the Tour. He isn't known for his time trial skills. Time trials are shorter days, and comparatively flat, but you just go fast. He won the time trial. By a lot. Getting one of the tour's fastest time trial times ever.

Tomorrow is the last day as they ride into Paris. Traditionally there aren't ever attacks on the yellow jersey (guy in the lead) but tomorrow that might change.

EEEEEEP!

Save Veronica Mars

2007-06-08T19:18:00.001-05:00

It seems Veronica Mars fans aren’t quite ready to throw in the towel. At least not yet.

Last year’s attempt to save Veronica Mars worked, so why not try another “Save Veronica” campaign? Oh wait, they do have one going on. This year Veronica fanatics are sending a sweet message to the head of The CW, Dawn Ostroff. They are working together to ship Mars Bars and marshmallows to her office in California. Hopefully the reasoning behind the Mars Bars is pretty obvious, but you might wonder why marshmallows are included in the delicious demands for more Veronica Mars. In the pilot episode of the show there is a memorable line saying, “Veronica Mars, she’s a marshmallow.” Plus, marshmallows are lighter with cheaper shipping costs and can pile up pretty quickly to make a large shipment.

But how did this year’s campaign to save TV’s hottest detective start? The guys at Ain’t It Cool News came up with the bright idea to send Mars Bars to The CW. The Indian Food Store sells imported Mars Bars (from England) on Amazon. One day he woke to realize Veronica Mars fans had purchased more than 600 bars from him in under three hours. Jumping on the Save Veronica bandwagon, The Indian Food Store is now offering free shipping to the CW building. The store has also started a blog with information about the campaign to save Veronica Mars and how more folks can contribute.

Not only is the seller offering free shipping, but they’ve set it up where the code VERONICA will ensure your scrumptious purchase will be included in the delectable attempt to save Veronica Mars. Ain’t It Cool News has the shipping address for your convenience. So go on and save Veronica Mars, you know you want her.

The Art of I Love You and Offensiveness

2007-05-28T00:44:00.000-05:00

Apparently, I tell people I love them too much. I guess I never knew it was possible to be too loving and to show it too much, but it is. And it is apparently offensive and an annoying put down when I do say "I love you."

That's the lecture I got this past week from my Grandmother, mother and sister. Finally I was able to respond to my mom much later that I wasn't aware of anyone who was mourning the death of a loved one to ever be worried they said they loved someone too many times and in fact I think I've heard more than once people worry that they didn't say it enough, that they should have done more to show how much someone meant to them.

So I've been thinking about it and why on earth hearing I say it too much hurt me to the degree it did. And honestly, I realized that in saying it was the only way I could have someone else say it to me. My family says "I love you" as a response. And they certainly don't do anything to show you they love you. So the only way I can feel the least bit loved is to tell them I love them and let them know I care. I send cards for every holiday they make a card for. I send random gifts just because something made me think of them. This past Christmas the cards I got? Yeah from people I've never actually met but still make me feel more loved than my family (Thanks Br Max and Cat by the way).

So obviously they don't love me. I know it isn't due to a fault of my own but is entirely because they are self absorbed and all that. But why do I still love them? Sometimes I think I really don't but am just scared that if I stop pretending I do, I'd be all alone.

So, I'm never saying I love you to my family again.

screw caturday, love bunday!

2007-05-06T02:01:00.000-05:00

since i got my bunny, i've sort of become obsessed with bunnies.

MTV Real World is Casting

2007-05-03T01:40:00.000-05:00

So we all have heard of MTV's Real World. Perhaps some of you have watched it or secretly longed to be on it. Well dude, a friend of mine is trying to get on it!

Thing is, this year you get to VOTE for the ones you want to be on the show. You can vote once a day, so vote early and vote often.

Vote for BenjaminB

Cancelled 24 Hour Fitness

2007-05-01T14:05:00.000-05:00

Figuring out how to cancel a gym membership isn't ever the easiest thing. And of course 24 Hour Fitness doesn't have the cancellation number on their website. Luckily, if you call one of the clubs, they'll give it to you. 866-308-8179 and they want your membership number, address, and phone number in addition to your name. I lied and said I moved to a location where there isn't one near me so they wouldn't try to talk me into staying. But it was really easy. I have access for another couple of months. Hopefully they won't charge me after May 5th, which I was told should be the last payment they get anyway.

I Got Away!

2007-04-30T02:51:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I just feel the need to get away. I've been feeling it a lot recently. And while traveling to Houston and Colorado helped, this past weekend I got what I was looking for.

My aunt and uncle have a ranch outside Kerrville, Texas called The Creek. I went this weekend and spent time with my grandmother, my aunt and uncle, and two of my cousins - one of whom I haven't seen in a few years. We got to relax and laugh, but we also got to spend some time outdoors in the middle of nowhere. It was like I could really breathe. It was what I needed for sure.

Above is a picture of a donkey I took. It was the donkey some neighbors kept with their sheep so the coyotes wouldn't bother them. When we walked up to the fence to take the donkey's picture, he walked over to my cousin and me for some pets on his nose.

A Wish for Birthday Cards

2007-04-25T22:55:00.000-05:00

Shane is a seven-year-old boy who is dying. But instead of moping about, he's come up with a wish. Not a wish for money or to meet famous people. Nope. Instead he wants to break a world record. He wants to get the most birthday cards anyone has ever received. His birthday is May 30th, which means you have plenty of time to buy a card or make one, mail it off, and help this little boy's wish come true. Visit his site or simply mail him a birthday card.

Shane Bernier
PO Box 484
Lancaster, Ontario
K0C 1N0
Canada

If you were dying and could have one wish, what would it be?

Beep Beep Goes to The Vet

2007-04-24T11:06:00.000-05:00

Beep Beep went to the vet today for his first check up. It took me a while to find a vet that would see a bunny, let alone one that saw them regularly. I feel more comfortable with him being looked after by someone who has regular practice with bunnies. I guess I'm just paranoid about my little bunny love.

They said he's a good bunny and very friendly - which I have made sure of with how much I snuggle on him. He has to eat more hay to keep his teeth healthy as well as keeping his digestive system on top of things. He can also start eating spinach and broccoli and the like. Beep Beep does have a tiny bit of ear mites in one of his ears, which the vet thinks he probably got before I bought Beep Beep. So they gave him some medicine and I give him another dose in a week.

I do have to take him back in in a month so the doc can check to make sure his mites are gone and recheck his teeth to make sure they're healthy. Then we'll also figure out when he can get neutered. And Beep Beep is in fact a boy. They squeezed around and were able to get through his fur to find a little bunny penis. I knew he was a boy! But I had already determined if they said he was a girl it just meant he was a transgendered bunny. But I guess he's just boy all the way through.

Yay bunnies!

In Honor of the Virginia Tech Shootings

2007-04-17T00:59:00.000-05:00

I'm shocked that such a thing could take place, let alone that it has. My heart certainly goes out to all the family and friends of the 33 people killed. But more, it has stunned the nation and affected far more than those who witnessed what happened. I hope that people are able to come together to celebrate life and work towards a better world because the lives we have are precious.

I also hope that the friends and families of those killed and injured, as well as the survivors, aren't hounded by the media to make what is already a horrible tragedy even harder to recover from.

Not to say I hope there is no news coverage. Certainly this is something we need to know about and learn from. But there is a fine line between reporting what happened and trying to figure out why and hounding those most directly involved to the point of invading their personal lives and privacy. I hope the individuals are respected and that as much information that can be gathered about the situation is learned.

How the students that have been interviewed have handled themselves is beyond admirable. May we all learn something from them.

My Boys Love Each Other

2007-04-11T00:34:00.000-05:00

In other news, I've lost 11 pounds so far. Jenny Craig food is pretty yummy too.

Bunnies and Owwies

2007-04-03T01:45:00.000-05:00

I bought a bunny April 1st. I was driving home from visiting my dad and some man was selling them on the side of the road. I've been wanting a bunny so I took it as a sign to get one. He's my bunny love and so cute, soft, snuggly and funny. I named him Nash Beep Beep Love.

Isn't he sweet?!?

The night before I seemed to have bitten my cheek during my sleep. I must have clenched my teeth that night or something because the entire inside of my right cheek is raw. I think I bit hard because the cheek is swollen, hurts on the outside, and hurts even without touching it or moving it. I bought some of that Oragel stuff at a gas station today, but it only works for about 15 minutes. Oh well.

Hopefully it will feel better tomorrow.

Feel Listened To and Loved, But How?

2007-03-27T02:05:00.000-05:00

Sometimes all we want is to feel like we matter, like someone cares for us, that we're worthy of love, and that we're listened to.

But what makes us feel that we are all those things? What makes us feel that we aren't? And why does it matter?

I think feeling those things is what gives us hope, it transpires into a reason to keep forging on, it helps us to make others feel the same way. It is because we have emotions. We're social creatures. We don't want to feel expendable.

So what makes me feel like I matter, that someone cares for me, that I may be worthy of love, and that someone is listening? I don't know. And I don't know that I always feel those things but I am certainly trying to get to a point where at least I matter to myself and care about myself; I'm working to be in a place where not only am I worthy of loving myself but that I really do. And I am trying to figure out how to actually listen to myself.

I don't think words need to be exchanged for these things to be felt, though they're certainly the easiest way to get the feeling across. Nor do I feel you actually need another human to get those sensations, at least momentarily.

But what is the trick to feeling that way all the time?

A Slobbery Secret

2007-03-24T02:42:00.001-05:00

Heh, life is weird. I'm remembering one summer when my sister had to do some community service for some trouble she got into, I told her I would do it with her so she didn't feel so bad. She selected what we would do. There's a farm just outside of town that has people with various disabilities (most are autistic, though some have down syndrome, while others have physical disabilities, most are children) go to ride horses for an hour. Because they would be on the horse alone, each rider required three volunteers. One would lead the horse and then one would be on each side in case of an emergency.

The end of the summer rolled around and my sister completed her hours. One mother came up and thanked us for a lovely summer. Her son was a year older than I was, but mentally much younger. He was confined to a wheel chair, communicated through grunts, and had a very small frame. He slobbered on me every time he rode. The first time it grossed me out. Then I realized it was because he was smiling and wasn't able to smile without slobber dribbling out his mouth. I'd much rather be slobbered on all day than to prohibit that boy from smiling. I know how much I loved riding horses, I can only imagine what it must be like for someone who can't do everything like those around him.

Anyway, the boy's mother told me a secret that I'll never forget. She had been taking her child there for a couple of years and saw no results, but she never gave up hope. The day he first slobbered on me was the first day she noticed any changes. That moment on let me see the importance of smiling. And maybe that wasn't the secret she told, but it is the one I heard.

I just wish we could all smile and see some changes.

*snuggles*

Cereal Daddy

2007-03-11T00:09:00.000-06:00

When I was little, before my rental units got the Big D (and I don't mean Dallas), Egg Donor told Sperm Donor to get my sister and me a kiddie pool. Instead he came home with a new Sears Credit Card and had purchased one of those snazzy above ground pools. You know the kind that is 5 feet deep all around and that lovely blue color? Anyway, we had it for some time then one day it got really really dirty. Sperm Donor took we little ones outside to demand some answers. He asked what we put in the pool. I assuredly declared nothing, by then we had long lost interest in the pool. Plus it was winter and we had indoor activities to tend to in its stead. But Sperm Donor insisted my sister put something in there.

"What did you put in the pool?"

"Nuttin', I pwomise."

"You're in TROUBLE, now tell me what you put in the pool."

"Nuttin!"

"Tell me what it was!"

"Cereal Daddy!"

"You put CEREAL in the pool?!?"

"No, Daddy, cereal I didn't. I didn't put anyting in the pool, cereal!"

That's when I got to jump in as big sister. "Daddy, I think she means she's serious."

"Yes! Yes! I'm cereal!"

Turns out, one of those plastic Hawaiian leis got sucked into the pump. Who put it there? Someone at one of my rental units' Tacky Parties - an adult.

Silly Dog and DVDs

2007-03-10T21:10:00.000-06:00

So I'm renting a house from a company I would never recommend anyone I know. I've turned in many maintenance requests the year I've lived here and they have fixed one thing. Oh, and only when the owner of the house drove by and realized it needed fixing. So they obviously never told the owner.

Well, the fence around the backyard is a piece of crap. It really looks like it is about to fall over. Well today my dog realized what a piece of crap it was, only he thought it was a fun new game. See, he found a board that was loose and jumped out of the yard. How long he was out and about, I don't know, but eventually he got bored and came to the front door and barked for me to let him in. I went out and nailed the board closed. He found another board about 20 minutes later and ran around to bark and be let in. I went out and closed the board and nailed it shut too.

Stupid dog did it about three or four times. The point of me renting a house with a yard was so I could let him run out the doggie door whenever he wanted and not have to watch him. Now that point is moot. GRRROWL.

Oh, I've watched some more DVDs
3/8 Lovewrecked ***
3/10 My House in Umbria *.5
3/10 Pizza ****

Another DVD

2007-03-07T16:20:00.000-06:00

I watched Videodrome last night (3/6). It was pretty good. I'd give it 3.5 stars. It and eXistenZ have a lot of similarities (same director). In fact, I think the reasons for making them were much the same. Only Videodrome's medium of choice was VHS while eXistenZ's medium of choice was video games.

However, the past few days I seem to have been exhausted. I wake up after 7 hours of sleep and eat breakfast and took around for an hour or two then I somehow wake up a couple of hours later. I don't get all comfy for a nap, I just sort of take one wherever I am.... Strange. Maybe I need more veggies.

DVD Watching Time

2007-03-04T21:38:00.000-06:00

So I'm a movie addict. That's nothing new. I love watching them. And while I've decided that working on them isn't what I want to do career wise, I still have a home for movies in my heart. Tuesday nights some friends and I have Movie Night where we rotate weeks on who brings a movie. We've gotten to where we each bring two or three choices and the group votes on them. We've seen some foreign films, 80s flicks, romantic comedies, classics, and independent films. There doesn't seem to be any type of movie that is off limits.

In addition to this, I find I watch a lot of DVDs. Many times I'll get together with Toothpaste and we'll watch a movie or two. On Family TV Night (Wednesday) with my best friend from high school (we'll call her 3%) and her family -- yes I am included in their family isn't that sweet?-- sometimes we'll watch a movie.

All this movie watching and it dawned on me, I should somehow keep track of all the movies I watch. So I'll start keeping track of DVDs I watch in this blog. At least then I'm pretty much guaranteed to post something regularly, right? I think at the end of each month, I'll round up all the DVDs watched that month into one list and then a mega list at the end of the year.

2/27 The Idiots *** (Lars von Trier) a Danish film following the Dogma 95 guidelines known as The Vow Of Chastity (no sounds not recorded in the movie, no lighting and it must be in color, no props or sets brought in, hand held camera work, no filters, no superficial action, film must take place in the here and now, no genre films, must be on 35mm film stock, and the director mustn't be credited). Many of the Dogme 95 films don't follow all the guidelines.

3/3 Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys ****
3/3 Thumbsucker**
3/4 Love is A Many Splendored Thing***
3/4 HBO's Rome Season 1, Discs 1 and 2 **** (first five episodes).

I <3 Jenny Craig

2007-03-03T13:27:00.000-06:00

I tried Weight Watchers, for the past year. I gained 20 pounds. I followed it very closely for the first six months when I gained a bit more than 20. Then I just followed it roughly (basically I ate "free" foods as snacks) and lost weight. I didn't want to keep paying to weigh in every week when really that's all I was paying for. I tried to talk to the folks there, but they were most unhelpful.

My best friend from high school and her mom are doing Jenny Craig. Her mom had done Weight Watchers before and after about two years, stopped losing. She's a large woman, so she wanted to keep losing to get into a healthy weight range. She's been on Jenny Craig for about a year now and it is melting off. She's looking healthier and happier each week. My friend has only been doing it since the beginning of the year and is already half way to her goal.

I decided to join for a few reasons

1. it is cheaper than the other option I've been contemplating which is a $9000 fitness camp this summer.
2. they give you your food so you don't have to think about it
3. i never cook so it makes me eat regular meals (which was my problem before) but it also allows for you to eat their food for a while and then learn to cook your own versions if you want to still do the cooking.
4. the food is good.

I'm also finding I am saving a TON of money. Sure, it is more expensive than Weight Watchers. However, On top of weight watchers, I was eating a lot of meals out (WW tells you what are smart choices at restaurants) and easily spending more money than I do at JC every time I went to the grocery store. So for me it is extremely cost effective. As I've never had to shop for a family, I don't know if it would be more or less expensive, I imagine more since you buy yourself food and the rest of the family different stuff.

I get to eat all day long. There is breakfast, lunch and dinner. But you get a snack bar before lunch, a snack before dinner, and a dessert or snack after. That's six times of eating.

I've only had two meetings, one was my signing up and the other my first weigh in. It is one on one. And the girl answered my questions and made sure I understood the answer. They have tips on what to do if you still feel hungry (eat more!) and realistic goals on what your activity level should be.

My official goal is 20 lbs to start. My realistic one is 6 since I've signed up for six weeks and I know that 1-2 pounds/week is a healthy rate. If I lose 6 in 6, I'll be happy, anything beyond that is cause for celebration. I lost 3.5 my first week, but I have a feeling it accounted for my body adjusting. But if it is anything to go on, it's gonna be a good six weeks haha.

Oscar Nominations

2007-02-25T01:01:00.000-06:00

The Oscars are upon us. See what I thought about the various films I've seen so far.

Notes On A Scandal
The Queen
Babel
Jesus Camp
The Last King Of Scotland
Little Miss Sunshine
Devil Wears Prada
The Pursuit of Happyness

Old Journals

2007-02-15T02:15:00.000-06:00

I found my journal from 5th grade when my mom was moving to a new house. One entry says:

"I wonder if Mommy and Daddy are going to put up for adoption soon. I should help them find her a nice new family."

Message Board Fun

2007-01-25T16:29:00.000-06:00

I'm a dork. I don't deny this fact. Heck, I embrace my dorkiness. I love my dorky side.

Ok, confessions aside, my friends run a goofy little message board. There really isn't any sort of focus. The arts maybe the focus. But there's everything from religion, politics and sex to television, dog pictures, and cheesy games.

So if you find yourself bored anytime, feel free to sign up at Sudzo and keep me entertained!

Hate Crime in Minneapolis

2007-01-16T15:59:00.001-06:00

There are sick bastards in the world. My sister's best friend is a drag queen. They were outside one of the gay bars in Minneapolis last night and some dudes started harrasing Jake/Kysa asking if he was a dude. When Jake asked how they would know, they started punching him and grabbing him. Their friend Kim was with him, smoking a cigarette (Kim is now and was born a female, and is not gay) and they started harrassing her too, hitting her and putting their hands down her pants.

Jake and Kim are terrified and know it needs to be reported. Is this something someone else can report as a witness? I'm scared for my sister and her friends.

A Haven of Peacefulness

2006-12-20T00:40:00.001-06:00

One I know I'll never see. And I'm not sure if it was a Haven when I could visit it, or if retreating there in my mind has made it into a Haven. But my dad's parents lived in southeast Arkansas out in the country. They owned a bit of land and had a pond they made. One of their projects really, they raised catfish and sold them mostly because they could, not because they needed to.

Anyway, they had a little pond where they hatched the fish and it fed into the bigger pond. Along one side was this big hill, really it was a man made dam, but they built it long before I was born so to me it was always a hill.

There was a big lazy tree on the side of the pond closest to the house and it reached out as far as a child could imagine a tree could reach. Near the tree were two posts in the water with a string of lights hanging above. It was to attract the fish at night, a little fishing if you will. Eventually they built a dock out there and let us go swimming when we were older, really our last few summers there.

But something about the old lazy trees along the banks and the sound of crickets chirping makes that pond magical. I can envision mythical creatures living in the depths of the water. It would freeze over in the winters and we'd skate and look for catfish that had been caught in the ice that looked like mysterious beasts with their mouths open. In the summers were ducks and butterflies and all sorts of colorful birds that you just knew were the relatives of the wonderful winged creatures that lived there ages ago.

The woods were the home to fantastic animals and I was always convinced unicorns really lived in the woods, deeper than I was allowed to go. Even in the driest of summers, this enchanting stream always had water, with a bit of haunting fog above it. We'd walk along the edges and never find where it came from or where it was going, but it was always moving. Perhaps dancing to some inaudible music of the forest.

My grandparents have since died and the land has been sold. We haven't any more family living in the region and so I'm unsure I'll ever visit it again. Even if I could, I'm not sure I would want to because I know it will have lost its magic.

Help Fight Breast Cancer

2006-10-28T00:58:00.000-05:00

Hey guys! So I'm doing the Komen Breast Cancer Foundation's Walk in Austin. If you want more information about the foundation, the walk, or how to help out, just check out my Race Page. You can even join the team I'm walking with -- Yoga Yoga and walk too. That or you can donate to the cause should you not be into walking. Though they do have Sleep In For The Cure for those of us who are lazy. But I'm actually going to walk this year.

So check out My Race For The Cure Page because every step counts.

Austin Film Festival Woo

2006-10-21T04:20:00.000-05:00

So I have a badge to see all the festivities of the Austin Film Festival. Check out the review of my day over at Reviews from a Fishbowl and see just how good these flicks really are (or aren't). You can check out the Festival website and tell me what films you think I should check out this week.

Oh, and check out some of the messages folks have left so far. One is even from moi. Give a listen and laugh and perhaps even leave a message of your own.

Get Your Own Voice Player Manage

Pee Collection

2006-10-17T17:04:00.000-05:00

Well for starters I can rest assured that I am in fact a very well hydrated person. My pee collection is about half over right now and I have already had to go to the lab and pick up a second pee container.

I feel grody. I feel like anyone knows what I've been doing all day just by looking at me or hearing me. Like they are whispering and snickering behind my back, with their jeering laughter and finger pointing, "That's HER! That's the girl that's been saving her pee all day. EWWWW!!!"

I'm avoiding phone calls because I don't want to talk to anyone while in the midst of the collection of pee. I feel as though I smell like urine too. Not that I have touched a drop of it or pee any differently that I normally would. But I have to think about it and that somehow absorbs a smell of pee. A smell that doesn't match up with the actual smell of my pee mind you. Somehow thinking about my pee all day makes me paranoid I smell like cat pee. Or asparagus pee. You know, some raunchy pee.

I have to keep it in the fridge between sessions. Man am I glad I live alone. It makes it hard to drink or eat anything in my fridge today though. What if it, too, has absorbed the raunchy peeness? It's pee madness I tell you.

I've also learned my bladder holds roughly 22 ounces before becoming uncomfortable.

Medical MoJo

2006-10-15T23:41:00.000-05:00

So I went to the LadyDoctor a couple of months ago. Together we talked about a few things I was concerned about. So I made an appt to see an endocrinologist and she decided to switch my birth control pill to see if it made anything better.

Anyway, on Friday I finally had my appointment with the EndoDoctor. Yep on Friday the 13th. I'm now supposed to get more tests than I thought even existed. Since I've done the fasting blood work before, those don't phase me now. It is the 24 hour urine test that I think is gonna suck. I have to collect all my pee for a day! They gave me a snazzy container to keep it in -- in the fridge! Good thing I live alone! And they gave me a nifty pee collector thingy I stick on the toilet and pee into. But still, the peeing in a cup never really works well for me.

In addition to that I am having various hormone levels tested, the different sugars and fats tested, a bunch of things whose abbreviations I can't figure out what they are, and something with my bowels.

Whatever it is, I hope it ends up being the cause of my concerns and easy to fix.

Halloween Jokes!

2006-10-15T00:24:00.000-05:00

Are you ready for Halloween? Do you decorate your house? Do you carve pumpkins? And just how do you pick out the perfect one?

The Sunday before Halloween I am having a pumpkin carving party. I'll be giving out gifts for various categories (once I figure out what they are!). The pumpkin carving has always been my favorite part of Halloween. Sure, dressing up is fun and can be goofy, but the pumpkins are what make the holiday for me. What about you?

How can you tell if Dracula is sick?

His Coffin.

That joke sucks. (get it?)
It kills me. (get it again?)
_______

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts.
_________

What do skeletons say before eating?

Bone Appetit!
_________

what do ghosts serve for dessert?

ice scream!
__________

when is it bad luck to meet a black cat?

when you're a mouse!
____________

what is a witch's fave school subject?

spelling!
_____________

What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian?

A chummy mummy!
_____________

where do baby ghosts spend the day?

dayscare centers!
_____________

what kind of mistakes to ghosts make?

boo boos!
______________

what's the best ghost birthday game?

hide and shriek!

Wrong Calls

2006-10-12T15:51:00.000-05:00

So I hate getting wrong number calls. I hate them more than telemarketers. I especially hate when the caller tries to talk to me. I say "Sorry, you have the wrong number." They are supposed to hang up. Whomever it is they are trying to call isn't here, it doesn't matter if you got the wrong number or dialed it wrong, it isn't me! I don't care if you were trying to call your daughter or some chick from the bar. I'm not who you were trying to call so when I say Wrong Number take it as your cue to hang up.

Review Blog YAY!

2006-10-11T05:10:00.000-05:00

So I seem to write a bunch of reviews. I decided I need to separate those from the more personal life sort of entries. That just means I started a new blog. You should check it out yo!

Currently on there: Joshua Radin's newest CD, Gilmore Girls, and Veronica Mars.